EMOTIONAL STABILITY

I don’t know how does being emotionally stable feels like but i do know how does being emotionally unstable feel  and how does it feel when you are on your way of being emotionally stable.

It sucks when you need somebody to feel worthy , to feel loved and to feel less lonely and vulnerable. And you let unworthy people in your life who do more damage to you and leave you more vulnerable knowing  that they can comeback whenever they want to and we will let them in. But now i know that i don’t need anyone else as much as i need me, it’s tough , it’s tough being all on your own , but it’s worth it. It’s worth all the pain to have that sense of completeness , to be self dependent.

And these are the  steps to become less emotionally unstable even if not completely.

  1. Love your past:- Enough of faking it, enough of avoiding it, enough of hating it. We all have our own reasons to feel connected with past or not wanting to feel connected with past but if we truly want to love ourselves we need to embrace our past and all those experiences that have shape us.
  2. Keep toxic people away:- The biggest downfall of being emotionally unstable is that you let toxic people in your life easily and cling on too long even when its not good for you, letting go is always hard. But all we get is fake promises, fake hopes and real vulnerability. You need to get them out of your life even if it kills you, because they are harmful for you and once you don’t have more toxic people in your life you will start to heal, slowly and gradually
  3. Put effort in yourself:-   Instead of putting all your energy in others put that effort in yourself. Learn to put yourself on the top of your priority list. Manage your time , do what you like to do , develop yourself.
  4. Let time take charge :-  There is no medicine like time. Time heals the wounds of past and let us see the past in different light too.
  5. Do not fare on temporary feelings:- Something our generation excels at. With innumerable chatting apps, dating sites and in the era of casual sex and one night stands we most of the time fare on temporary feelings. Even if we know that this is not going to last we indulge ourselves emotionally , 

Keep toxic people out of your life, stop being toxic for yourself.

It might take time, it might take days or months or years but it will happen .One morning you will wake up without wanting anybody , one day you will embrace yourself with all your imperfections.

Maybe you will put all your effort in loving yourself instead of trying to waste it on someone else.

There are things you might not have control on or maybe you do have control on but sometimes its better to leave them on time because time maybe an abstract concept but is a healer .

 

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JUST A “THING”

A random ID, the cute guy you saw and stalked, the nerdy girl who hide behind her glasses and books, the wanderer, the classmate who smiles at you every time you make an eye contact and all others you talked with.

JUST TALKED.

what does that mean?

Does that mean you were someone, a ” thing” but didn’t make it as far as dating? Or one of you had the intention of dating and other had commitment issues? Or you two were friends and one of you had feelings? Did you already know how it was going to end but you talked nonetheless. Those long 3 A.M  conversations slowly deteriorating into small talks and then being left to read,unanswered phone calls, awkward stares, and uncomfortable silence, heart sinking down when you  see them with someone else that’s not you? Did there care became over protectiveness for you? Did their spontaneous attitude started to seem as recklessness? Did the same ” THING” that made you fall for them became the reason of your detachment?  And then it ends, hasslefree, no explanations, no emotional drama, no tears, no calls, no explanation, no running behind you to stop you from going, no door knocks asking for your forgiveness, no standing outside in pouring rain to get you back. Because you only talked, right? You feel like why would i care if we were nothing but just  “thing”, something so stupid that it doesn’t even have a name, it’s just a thing . Anything can be a thing so why chase after a thing . Why go through all the emotions you would have felt after a breakup when you already knew how it was going to end. Why go through all the hurt? 

But no matter what, you do get hurt. Every time your phone rings you wish it’s them, your eyes look for them , and every time they come across you, some words die on your tongue, never coming out. We get attached without even wanting or knowing. We fall for “things”, you start finding small little things that makes you fall for them little more, and when the things don’t even go right , when they do all the wrong things and keep hurting you , we seem to go right back to that “thing” we have.  And we find ourselves questioning. Why was this not the correct time? Why are they older? Why can’t we have some more time? Why it can’t be just us? Why can’t they put a little more effort in this? Why can’t we two just happen? Relationships should not be based on these questions. The right one will come along and answer all your questions. Don’t settle for things. You deserve way better than a thing.

NIGHT OF SECRET

 

He was standing there in the balcony with a cup of hot steaming coffee looking at the night and enjoying the cold breeze sipping the hot coffee when she came there and stood facing him leaning on the wall.
“You came again “?he chuckled asking this and took another sip of his coffee. “you called me, didn’t you? that’s why I am here” she replied, and sat down on the chair and opend the bookmarked page of the novel kept on the table .he took a deep sigh and without even looking at her asked her,” so what it is tonight ?”
“how would I know? I came to hear you, that’s how it has always been,you telling me your wild stories,right?”
“no ,no it was not like this before ,it was you who used to talk endless and would also complain that I don’t talk and when I will open my mouth you would shut me down with one of your stories and will continue your blabbering” he chuckled saying this, a pain evident in his voice. “why did you change than?just why? Why can’t you talk endless now sitting with me sipping coffee and reading novels”?
“oh yes! you won’t answer. you only answer the things I already know, and I have no clue about this,that just why,why the things changed? He said full of frustration and loneliness

“I can’t answer you because you haven’t yourself admitted this thing yet”
she stood up and went towards him took the mug from his hand and pushed him down on chair and sat on his lap, and took a sip from his mug, “mmm!! Nice, just the way I like it” and gave a small peck on his lips. he took a deep sigh closing his eyes enjoying the moment.
“tell me the story now” ,she asked him and kept her head on his chest .he pulled her closer spooned her in his arms and asked, “do you remember you once asked me what will children ask me stories about when I am old?”
“yes and you like always had not replied” yea! he chuckled
“yeah and not yea, you idiot,she said slapping his arm and they both chuckled.
“Why are you asking about this after so many years ?”
“today when I was practicing football”.urghh!!! you and your football,she said irritatedly. “he laughed out loud, yeah! my football and your soul sister.., so where was I”? “you were on a date with your football” she said sulking.”yeah ,so I was practicing football today in ground when few children came to me and asked me to tell them stories about how I become a footballer”. ” you must have told them the story and bored the poor kids” .
he laughed again ,”no I didn’t ,instead I told them our story.” “our story? really ??so you told them that I come to listen to your stories every night ?”
“no I told them how I let you go like a idiot and how you changed me and how much I love you” she gasped out loud. you finally admitted ? “yes, yes I have admitted that you are not with me”. ” but I am with you in your arms”, she replied .yes ,because you live in my heart he said kissing her forehead. “the sun is about to rise Maan”. “you will leave me again “,he said sadly. “I was never yours ,I am the wild ,set me free and vanished in the air. Maan took a deep sigh, looking toward the rising Sun.

The coffee was cold, and she was gone again.

 

Master of mysteries

He creates magic with his words

he spun you around his fingers

you gasp ,

you choke,

yet you crave for more.

every line

every sentence, hits your soul like a train

the curiosity to know more, the need to read more,

and the helplessness of not knowing how, where or when is what makes him the master of mysteries and magic.

 

NIGHT

There is something   about   night,

 Something so different, something so dead  yet something so alive,

Paradoxes are confusing but they don’t lie.

 Beginning of the dawn and end of the dusk

With blanket of stars and sight of moon, night has it all.

Wind sing different tunes to all we hear by day,as if it’s choking on the words we all are too afraid to say.

Moon knows all your secrets  even if it’s sun that walk with you by the day .

sometimes it make you feel like there are thousands of galaxies exploding inside you, and the world out there is waiting to listen to you and dance to your tunes

and sometimes it makes you feel   so weak that every bone in your body ache, as if your whole existence so infinitesemaly small that it could pass through space between the atoms, and all you want to do is curl in your bed and cry, cry until the pain numbs your whole body and brain or to disappear in darkness of night never to come back  again

Darkness so mesmerizing , darkness so pure

That we let down all our masks and be us

Those midnight conversations, midnight strolls, wet pillows, stumbled wine glasses, crumpled bed sheets,   bloody hands and night witness it all .

But if you are afraid of night, if the silence of night kills you, the sight of moon  hurts,  the darkness scars you , and the secretes of night  intimidates you then let me tell you a secret about night

Even night is as confused and  as incomplete as you are ,

Story of eternal love and heart break, dark secrets and war ;

Listen to the story of moon that how much sun loved her that it died every night  to let her breath and tell her about the person you fall in love with

Tell them how kind their   eyes are or how their lips curl when they smile

And here is a small tiny advice from the girl who has befriended the stars, who find comfort in darkness of night , one who dances with demons under the sky and sing with wolves, who wander wild in woods and who reads books under the stars,that we all are made of stardust and our skin smell like moon, we all are rulers of skies ,we all are part of night .

Whose arms would i fall into

I wonder whose arms would i run and fall into if i were drunk in a room full of people i have ever loved

I wonder who all would be there , people from the past who did nothing but hurt me and leave me, and people who never knew how much i have loved them. Would there be people i lost to death and would there be people i lost to fate.

And whose arms would give me comfort, would it be a thing or would it be a human?

I wonder if it would be the coffee mug i seek warmth from on cold lonely nights or the pillow i cry on when my heart ache. Would it be my books who were always there for me when needed with best of the advice or the food which somehow always made me feel nice.

Maybe,

Maybe it could be my best friend or my father or the guy i loved once.

I wonder who would stand up to hold me when i will stumble ,whose gasp would be the loudest and would there be someone who will know that i am strong enough to handle this, that i can stand back myself .

And i keep wondering whose arms would i fall into….

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